God's Man for You ~ The "who" of "I do" ~ by Amy Vest

Just think of it - If God has a husband for you, he is alive and walking the face of the earth right now.

As you walk this amazing journey with Jesus, the most important decision you make after committing your life to Christ, is who you will marry.

{Enter prospective husband.}

Okay, wait.  Pause. 

It is so incredibly, incredibly helpful to seek Jesus and know ahead of time what is important in a husband BEFORE a guy comes along vs. being caught up on the fact that a guy is pursuing you and losing sense of what is important.

In this post we are going to look exactly that - seeking God's heart on considering a guy as a potential future husband for you.  {Did I hear a woo hoo? :)}

So far in this series we have looked at the purpose, approach, and you of marriage - now we are going to look at considering the "who"  of marriage. 

I want you to see how incredibly serious and sacred this decision is.  This is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life on earth with.

I encourage you to stop and ask the Lord for His guidance for you personally - we so need His leading to choose wisely. 

As we begin, I want to be so clear that you are looking at a guy's heart, character, and direction of life.  No guy is perfect (we sure aren't!) - but taking a serious look at his heart, his growth in Jesus, and his pattern of life is essential.

Okay, ready?

Keys to look at:
~ Christ's place in his life - his walk with Jesus. 
Is he Christ's man? (Again, NEVER consider someone who isn't Christ's!)  Is Jesus his life, or just part of his life?  Is he in love with Jesus?  Does he walk with Jesus?
~ Character - his heart and who he is.
Is he like Jesus?  Is he growing in Jesus and becoming like Him?  What is he like when no one is watching?  Is he humble, a man of integrity, selfless, faithful, consistent, etc.?
~ Convictions - what he believes.
What does he believe?  Are his convictions founded on the Word of God?  What is his vision for life, marriage, children, raising/schooling your children, church, use of time, activities, finances, etc.?
~ His lifestyle - how he lives.Does his walk match his talk?  How does he treat others?  Where does he invest his treasure?  What does he watch, look at, spend time on?  What does he get excited about?  How does he respond to suffering?  Can he support a family?
~ His mission - what he lives for.  Does he live for Jesus?  Is his desire to glorify Christ with His life?  Is his mission to know Jesus and make Him known?  Are you both on the same path?  Can you join him in his mission?

Heartbeat:
A guy who is fully Christ's, who deeply loves the Lord, walks with Him, seeks to obey and honor Him and His Word with his life, desires to grow in His likeness, and seeks to make Him known and build His Kingdom.
This will flow out in a million different ways in every area of his life - and through your life together.

Outline:
1. Pray about him - get the Lord's heart for the kind of guy you should marry.
2. Make a list of key qualities - from the Word, key things you know are important in a godly spouse, specifics the Lord lays on your heart.
3. Pray for him - pray for him, pray for those qualities to be formed in his life, pray Scripture for him, ask the Lord to bring you together in the right time.
4. Place this in Jesus' hands, release to Him, and trust Him for His will - knowing Jesus knows best.

Remember these things:
~ Realize what you are choosing - not only your husband, best friend, teammate, lover, and key growth partner, but also your kid's father, the spiritual leader of your home, who you will submit to and support, and so much more!
~ Consider the Bible's call to husbands and wives, and see - this is the man you will be answering God's call to place yourself under his spiritual leadership, submit to, and support - as teammates with equal value and beautifully different roles.  You must know that he is a man who is following Christ!
~ You are going to do LIFE with this person - with all that it holds of celebration, suffering, and daily life - not just 2 hour conversations over coffee.

As you consider him:
- Ask key questions about key areas to get to know one another and see if you are on the same page - walk with Christ, theology, expectations for marriage, children, raising/schooling children, church, past, entertainment, finances, etc.
- Observe him and have those you trust observe him.  Like someone said - "Use a magnifying glass before marriage and put on rose colored glasses after marriage."  This is your time to identify things that could be huge issues after marriage.
- Really, REALLY get to know him.  It is so important to know a person incredibly well before committing to spend the rest of your life with them!  (Make sure he was living the way he is and following Christ before he met you vs. trying to get you by living how you do.)
- You want to look first at their heart and who they are as a person, and then consider chemistry and emotions.  Emotions will come and go, but who a person is is critical.
- Notice:  "Do I love Jesus more after being with him?" "Does he lead my heart more to Jesus than himself?"
- Remember as you consider "him", you are really considering "us".
- Pray, pray, pray!  Seek Jesus every step.  Fast.  You want Him to choose and lead you to His man for you.  He knows best, does best, and sees the big picture.

Ask:
Can I walk toward Jesus with this man?
Is this God's man for me?  Is God calling me to marry him?
Decision:  
~ If the Lord makes it clear that a guy is not His man for you, don't settle - you can know that He has a plan that you can trust is best.  (I want to encourage your heart - there are great, godly guys out there who are pursuing Jesus!) 
You must know that Jesus is leading you to marry a guy - not emotions, expectations, or pressures.
~ If as you seek Jesus about a guy, He makes it clear that this is His man for you - embrace this gift with joy!  It is a beautiful treasure.  You have the joy of sharing life, being a team, and supporting him as you love, follow, and share Jesus together! 

Vision:
Can I tell you a little something you may not know?  I am a romantic at heart.  This is why it is extra important that Jesus is the love of my life and that I surrender this area to Him - and where I have found such fulfillment and freedom!  While there are sacred things I ask Jesus for that I will keep between me and Him, I will give you a little general glimpse of what I am trusting Jesus for:

Someone whose hand I can grab and run towards Jesus together with all our hearts, who we can fan one another's flame of closeness with and love for Jesus, who we can challenge one another to growth in Him, and who we can pour out our lives for His glory for each other and the world around us.

Someone I can live for Jesus with - and die for Jesus with.  Whether that is living to a ripe old age as an adorable little old couple whose wrinkled hands still clasp together in prayerful worship for His faithfulness in the joys and trials, or dying at any age for our faith in Jesus, hand-in-hand, declaring to one another, "Jesus is worth it!"  Someone with whom to share this journey with our Jesus and live this verse, "O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together!" (Psalm 34:3)Now it is your turn, friend.

I encourage you to go before Jesus, pray, search His Word, think, and know what is important in a husband.

Then write it down and lift it up to Jesus in prayer.

He hears you and He cares about this more than you ever could.

You want God's man for you.  Don't settle for less.  Follow Jesus, stay true to what He shown you, and trust Him to bring His best for you.

Jesus knows best, His way is best, He gives what is best - and only we want what He wants to give.  "...the Lord will give what is good..." (Psalm 85:12)

If it is His will, He will bring His man for you in His time - and together you can heart in heart and hand in hand walk with Jesus, grow in Him, and live for His glory!

"O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together!" (Psalm 34:3)