My story is not an unusual
one. Like most girls, I grew up dreaming
of Prince Charming and longing for the day he would come sweep me off my feet
and make me his forever. From the time I
was old enough to understand what love and romance were, I couldn’t wait for
the day when it would be my turn to have that “special someone” in my
life. However, in His perfect
faithfulness, God didn’t bring a relationship into my life until recently, for
He knew how much I needed to learn first.
It was during my high
school years that the Lord began speaking to my heart in regards to
relationships. I distinctly remember Him challenging me to surrender my
desire for marriage to Him and allow Him to have complete control of this area
of my life. He asked me to leave my longings for a Godly man and my
desire for an earthly relationship in His capable hands. And He
challenged me to focus on making Him my first Love - to find my satisfaction,
contentment, and fulfillment in Him alone.
And to be completely
honest, it scared me. It's not that I doubted God's ability to bring a
guy into my life, but I feared that surrender might lead to singleness.
I questioned how I would ever meet someone if I didn't make myself
"available." Yet, the more I sought the Lord and focused on
making Him my All in All, the more He gave me the grace to trust Him and rest
in His promises. It's not that all my fears suddenly disappeared - they
didn't. And my ache for a Godly man that I could follow and serve God with
only increased. But as I finished high school and prepared to begin a new
season of life at college, the Lord only pressed the need to wait on Him deeper
into my heart.
As I
entered college life, my desire to allow God to orchestrate my love story in
His perfect way and time was tested.
Suddenly, countless single guys, dating couples, and relationship drama
surrounded me each day. I could sense my
heart growing impatient and discontent as I struggled to wait on the Lord and
make Him my first Love. My journal
entries from this season of my life reflect thoughts, questions, and struggles
very similar to the entry I am about to share.
I knew that God had a purpose for the season of singleness I was
experiencing, but it was often a daily battle to remind myself of the Truth I
knew and the character of the God I served.
Lord Jesus,
You are not keeping me from the
greatest “happiness.” Rather, as Your
beloved daughter, You are giving me exactly
what is needful for me: a season of singleness. A season to be “undivided and anxious” about
the things of Your Kingdom. Had any
other condition been better for me than the one I find myself in, Divine Love
would have placed me there. No, Lord, it
sometimes doesn’t make sense to me. Sometimes my heart does ache when I see all
my friends dating. Sometimes, I do
struggle with not doubting Your plan, purpose, and timing. And sometimes, the thought of being alone
does frighten me. Yet, even as I write
these things, I am rebuked. What am I
thinking? What kind of God do I think I
serve? Do I really think that I need to
fear a future of being single? I know
You are good, and even if I am single for a while longer, it won’t be drudgery
or misery if I find my fulfillment in
You. It’s when I take my eyes off of
You, my Jesus, and place them on my circumstances, that I become discontent and
disillusioned; for I forget that it’s not an earthly man who will fulfill the
longings and desires of my heart, but rather You, Lord! And so, here I am again. Laying my hopes and dreams at Your feet in
broken surrender. I let go, Lord. I can’t hang on to them. I give them back to You, for You were the One
who gave them to me in the first place.
You are my Sun and my Shield, the One who bestows favor and honor. No good thing do You withhold from those who
walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, blessed
is the one who trusts in You!
The
Lord was so gracious to continue working in my heart, teaching me to seek Him
daily through time in His Word and prayer.
He showed me that this season of singleness was really a gift - a time I
could learn to make Him my first Love, build fruitful relationships with those
around me, and pour myself into ministry in a way that wouldn’t be possible if
I were dating. And even though my desire
for a Godly man continued to increase, God continued bringing me back to
Himself and enabling me to trust His way and His timing. It was far from easy, but the Lord was
faithful to draw my vulnerable heart ever nearer to Himself.
Fast
forward to January 2014. I had finished
college and moved back home to intern at a Christian school in the area. There
were absolutely no available guys
around me, but I was determined to continue making the most of the season God
had me in. It was around this time that
a young man named Jordan Gross began contacting me. He was someone I had known since my freshman
year of college, but I’d never considered him as anything more than a mere
acquaintance. As he started showing
interest in me, I prayed earnestly that God would make it clear whether or not
we should begin a relationship. As I got
to know Jordan, it became very obvious that the passion of his heart was Jesus
Christ. He loved His Word, he loved
talking about what God was doing in his life, and he loved investing in the
people around him for the sake of the Gospel.
I saw in Jordan a young man who was committed to being spent for the
Kingdom, who was a strong leader, and who had a vision for life and ministry
that was both encouraging and convicting. Not only was Jordan a Godly man and
strong leader, but he was also someone I connected with on practical “life
stuff.” It wasn’t very long before I
realized that Jordan was everything I had ever prayed for in a guy, and more. As God led in both our lives and our parent’s,
giving us peace to move forward, Jordan and I began dating in May, and were
recently engaged this past January! We
are so excited to be married this summer and get to live, serve, and love the
Lord together.
As
I reflect upon how God brought Jordan and I together, more than anything, I see
His faithfulness. There were so many
times I was tempted to rush ahead and do things my way; yet, in His grace, the
Lord saved my heart for Jordan, and his for me. May He receive all the glory, for He is the
One who prepared our hearts, led us together, and will continue guiding us as
we live for Him!
